The Christmas Par-Tay
‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through Taipei; China Hashers were gathering to eat, drink and par-tay…
And what a night it was! Over a hundred hashers – old and new, old and young, CH3 and other inferior hashes – gathered to eat, drink, raffle, snaffle and waffle on about running. A fine festive feast was served: There was a trio of delicious Traditional X-mas Turkeys with (particularly good-well done whoever that was) Stuffing,(thank you Ginormous CLitoris) the delicious Traditional Traditional Chinese Food, and of course the delicious Traditional Yule Pizzas (thank you Sandra)
But there was so much, much more than food happening! There was drinking. And a raffle. And… Ehm..Hmmm… maybe we’ll just talk about the raffle then? The raffle had prizes glorious beyond the wildest imaginings of a typical China Hasher (notoriously lacking in imagination- seriously, the best thing you can think to do of a Sunday is run up a mountain? Really?)
Fearless Leader has to be mentioned first- donating t-shirts, free runs, free Down Islands, free pubes: Whatever he had lying around the house or didn’t cost him any money immediately, basically).
Face Down Ass Up loves a good raffle, she really does; and so, in a true embodiment of the Spirit of Christmas donated the most valuable and precious thing she could think of: time in her company.
Chalk My Tits donated .. Her tits! Because it was all she had on her at the time.
Arthur U Fag donated a nicely wrapped weighing scales. Because he thought the raffle was the Secret Santa. It was duly raffled. Upon learning of his mistake, it was duly retrieved’ (to be delivered at the more appropriate time).
The real MVP though, had to be Shy Stripper: Failing spectacularly to live up to his name S.S gave a sexy dance that Hooters (and by the looks of it, almost everyone else) will be fapping to for literally days to come. Seriously: there wasn’t a dry crotch in the house. Except for Ding Bu Dong, who is strongly suspected of being a eunuch.
Stuffed to capacity, the hash waddled on to Ben’s Bar, Where Shivering Little Shit gave a lesson on how to bust a move – Russian style, and the gentlemen of the hash gleefully abandoned their pretence of being Manly Man Men, and embraced the glitter. Those of you who were too busy being old/broke/boring dryballs to attend can check out Michael J. Fox’s excellent video documentation here: All of the thanks to Ben, and more importantly to Ben’s Tequila.
So the hash ate, drank and made merry, and woke up the next day feeling fat, hungover and (if they’re anything like me) vaguely ashamed. What better way to cure it than by running up a mountain?
Meeting in our festive attire at Muzha MRT (not really, the two visiting hashers from Samurai Hash Japan put in all the effort, the rest of us just donned santa hats from DNR) Hares Vulture and Dump’N’Run took pity on us and took us on a short (6.5km) run around some hilly things that were hilly. It was a pleasant run – even gentle.
It was very considerate of Vulture really, to do that for us. Bare
ly a mention was made of his broken leg, or excruciating pain, or bones grinding off one another . though, to be fair, most of those symptoms could as easily be attributed to the fact that he has outlived empires)
On then to downdowns, where after tasty Turkey sandwiches (and cranberry cocktails) we got a taste of things to come where our
handsome and eminently competent GM treating us to his FIRST OFFICIAL DOWNDOWNS that (much like visiting hasher Phuck Me Too’s ‘game’) managed to be incomprehensible, interminable and ill-conceived… It’s fine though, only 51 weeks to go!
In a classic example of Hash Imitating Life, our sexy and talented GM failed miserably to juggle any women, whatsoever.
There was a Secret Santa gift exchange in which the hash showed its creativity and general thoughtfulness with a wide array of gifts: There was everything from sex books, to sexy aprons, to sexy catheter bags, to not-technically-sexy-but-definitely-phallic cigars, to sexy weighing scales, to sexy adventure kits, to … imitation Jenga?
Off then to Carnegies for a fortunate (and financially flush) few, for the traditional Second Traditional Christmas dinner. There was turkey with all the trimmings – even a valiant attempt at a Yorkshire pudding that resembled the original in the same way that the chinese guardian lions resemble the real thing- Anal Technology came and ate everybody’s mushy leftovers because he had a broken tooth that meant he couldn’t actually chew. And he’s cheap as fuck. (you opened an Italian restaurant too, Anal: where were YOUR pizzas?)Best dressed has to go to Hsinchu GM, for wearing the sartorial equivalent of a mullet: Business on the top, party on the bottom.
On to the on after, and eventually home to bed. A good time was had by all. Except, of course, for Sauerkraut; who would have been sad at all the fun he’d be missing in the future f he wasn’t German and therefore unfamiliar with the concept.
Chalk My Tits
The trashiest Hash Trash since Hash Trash First Flashed
A to B
Number of Runners
Will update this later