STFU – The Worst Laid Plans

I never claimed Down Island would be anything but a shit show, on every piece of promotion I wrote “The Biggest Shit Show on the Island”. Fortunately thanks to the amazing spirit of hashers and the team behind me the shitshow that could have been never fully manifested and the weekend went off with… manageable hitches this is the story of those hitches and the people who resolved them recorded for posterity so that others can learn from my ineptitude.

Planning for Down Island began in April of 2017 just after we finished AIR. For my ego it was important that my Down Island be epic. On the advise on Mijo slut and Homersexual I set Puli as the location on the basis CH³ had never ran there before. I roped in 3 dead bitches as our local man on the ground and with the help of his wife give me head we soon had our hostel booked. On the advice of planner extrordinare, Slobbo Tamer, I asked DWE and SS to hare the Sunday run knowing that they would deliver quality and work hard to make sure the weekend went well.

Financial planning is not my strong point and not wanting to overcharge people I set the price as the same as last year before I knew how much it would actually cost. This was my biggest mistake. We used previous years beer consumption to estimate how much the weekend would cost and pretty quickly realised we were running the weekend at a severe loss. Thankfully Drowning in Cum stepped in to help negotiate and make things more manageable and more understandable for me. Also we roped in three wonderful sponsors who donated beer lowering costs significantly Massive thanks to Period for the kegs of delicious beer we drank over the weekend.

We checked the roads for Saturday run and saw no reason why they would not be accessible for big buses, having seen many of the 40 seat behemoths on the road while preparing. I was knocked for 6 on the Saturday 2 minutes before “Women On” when I was told the bus drivers would not go to the B point. Give Me Head was amazing here though, I decided not to run and she organised with the hotels trucks to bring bags, and beers and to transport people and absolute disaster was averted.

Let the record show 3 dead bitches is not responsible for the people getting stranded on trail on the Saturday, he laid a clearly marked and acceptable run of epic proportions, prepared diligently and warned of the slight dangers. Unfortunately though there is no accounting for some cases and the two girls who fell off a cliff was just that case, absolutely unlucky. The Hare though in true CH³ and Beast Runner Fashion was unrelenting in going to their rescue.

As for the Vietnamese chick who started late stopped to cook in a farmers hut (Dead Bitch Cooking) That was nothing but her own stupidity and again the hare was professional and diligent in his rescue attempts.

The Spirit of China Hash was in full display Saturday and I was so proud to be a part of this amazing organisation. Everything that could go wrong did go wrong but that didn’t stop you all from making the best of it. While your GM was assisting the hare in rescue operations people stood up and took care of down downs making sure the pack was doing what god intended and getting drunk as fuck. All the thanks to Dick With Ears, Johnny Wad and all who provided mystery whips that day for taking the reigns under short notice and ensuring everyone had an incredible time.

I woke on Sunday to the news we had ran out of money. With a bash and Down Down Drinks still left to purchase we were looking at a short fall of around 30k…. Fuck that was embarrassing. After consulting with my committee and various offers of loans from more well off hashers we decided that the best would be to come clean, admit our mistake and ask for donations to keep the show on the road. We asked each hasher to donate 400NT which would allow us to break even over the weekend, it was optional, you didn’t have to but hashers are amazing people and China Hashers, doubly so. The average amount donated was 700 NT meaning that not only did we pay for the down island successfully but China Hash actually has some money to go forward and finish off the year. I cannot thank you all enough, from the bottom of my heart I was humbled and am honored to know you all.

Over all the weekend was a huge success, despite my best efforts, I learnt so much and think if I was to do it again I would pull it off much more effectively but being a leader of CH3 is one of those once in a lifetime opportunities, a memory I will hold onto long into my old senile days and smile at. Thank you all for the honor and privilege. Without your constant support I know for a fact I would not be very good at this job at all. Eight more Sundays and you will be free of my Dickhead rule but I will never be free of the debt I owe to all of you for helping me out this year.

On On

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